Tired of Triggering Deceit

Gay Friendly is a term like any other. While it launches one into the realm of political correctness, it can close one into a room where to criticize homosexuality becomes tantamount to being a traitor, or worse, a liar. I am neither and I am both because while I embrace being gay friendly I forever withhold being totally OUT with my friendliness. Why? Perhaps my status in America prescribed on me the status as “other”. Perhaps this “otherness” creates an apology to those with power and a welcome to those who are like me.  Something in my race identity may be shared with those who come to define themselves as homsexuality. I am no hypocrite to either group yet I have had misreading occur. Gay men seek to welcome my willingness to befriend them as a cowardly confession to my own sexual transgression. By example: Hetrosexual women do the same thing to heterosexual men. They shy away from making too many male friends as they fear a misunderstanding may develop.  I have grown tired of the masking women engage in both when they are attracted to  a man as oppose to  when they are not. They are masters at maintaining distances for fears of misunderstandings while also toying with a man’s mind. That is another story for here my focus is on expanding the my understanding of gay men.

Gay guys learn the value of these cat and mouse games and their tendency to use them wears me out while I seek genuine friendship with homosexual males. I therefore withhold my open greeting with open smiles. I clench my teeth insist on firm handshakes and maintain a body language  in the same manner as women may do men. What this means is I am forever maintaining distance from my willingness to explore the possibility of profound  friendships with gay men. This transfixes one into a strange sort of isolation. Even herein as I associate the word explore with the reference to homosexuality places me in mental danger of losing the quiet respect given one heterosexual to another. Yet in today’s climate fostered by news the transgender and transsexuals communities, it is time that heterosexual men be granted  social space to explore friendships with gay men without crashing and burning his own social standing.

Spaces are open for actors. When Sean Penn played Harvey Milk, did he play it safe as he managed to go through that? Did he as a very masculine guy have reservations about his career?  He did and others before him opened the door for  heterosexuals males to play more gay roles? Indeed he had history behind him since he was portraying the life of America’s first openly gay elected official. Not all of us have the fortune of befriending powerful homosexuals. Many a black man have had encounters with wealthy white men who fancied male lovers. While the advances I have had, I have rejected, I have seen that they (wealthy gay men) tend to have the ability to punish naysayers.  Can the terrain open for actors and wealthy individuals be afforded me a hetrosexual man who is  both a black man and  a photographer? The Photographer part seems an easy shoe-in. A straight photographer can hold fast to his prejudices even as the engage in creativity with gay associates. Denzel Washington’s role as the attorney for Tom Hanks aid ridden character in PHILADELPHIA aptly demonstrated that professionals rendering service to a gay person can forgo his angst on the job while maintaining his objection to the lifestyle at home. Heck, again one can fall back on the fact that our nation has maintained separate social barriers along racial lines for centuries.  Have we become a society as apt to wear false faces as we hold ourselves out to be guided by notions of inalienable rights.  For me as an artist photographer creatives are often regarded by a large number of conservatives as social outcast working on the fringes. Since Ronald Reagan and former mayor of New York, we have seen politics cut back on the funding of the arts. Perhaps this is my assumption: That is that creativity exist in closed spaces where the friendship of hetrosexual and homosexuals raise eyebrows less.

Perhaps my discomfort has to do with the populism associated with homosexuality. Since the decline of industrialization, the leisure time of  out nations youths have increased. Women and their politics infuse not only the work place but the street corners. Their political and social concerns backed my an increase in economic power seems to soften the masculine world around use. The number of gay men seem to increase  with every new television show and with the ameliorations of everything associated with  masculine prowess. From contact sports  such as boxing down to drunken driving we have seen what seems to polarize males from some masculine troupes available to previous generations. While we seek par down aspects of violence we may  eliminate some of the rights of passage into manhood. Manhood that while damaging, nonetheless help prescribe gender.

Certainly I’ve seen it. it has been being broadcast into our minds for two decades. From IN LIVING COLOR to THE NEW ORANGE IS BLACK (I have never watched the latter). The clowness mannerism find acceptance in the audiences with few role models.  Can a society such as ours move from industrialization where large numbers of men with back breaking jobs become less visible and  people become exhausted with the social conventions that seem exploitative and thereby seek out the what is considered unnatural? Since  the mid 90’s I’ve seen more boys become  brazen in their display of femininity. What effect do these new mindset seek to do with others viewed as outmoded? Eradicate us and our social conventions so that straight men dare not befriend a gay guy?

Is it too much to ask that straight me to allowed to befriend gay guys without having to resort to violence? I have never had to punch nor talk down to anyone who made advances on me. Yet any courthouse in urban center are replete with civil and criminal court cases where bands of brothers beat helpless homosexuals down. Those days may be still around yet such is a rarity. Individuals have to refrain from violence and HATE CRIMES.  I do not need legislation to change my mind. My mind was already straight but not narrow.  I am ready to loosen up and allow  my indifference to allowing homosexuals  into my mental space as I welcome any female who  might allow me into hers. Still I feel uncomfortable having to reject the advances made upon me when make headway against my own reservations. Heck I’m too old anyway. Few guys and girls alike lust after old men.  Then  again perhaps being African-American I wish to have sympathy with those who seem damned and determined to refine themselves without redefining us all.

THIS POST WAS INITIALLY A MODEL CALL. HOWEVER IT HAS BEEN EDITED TO ADDRESS THE A PERSONAL  QUEST.

JKSTEWART (September 1, 2015)

It only took a day and I think it honest of me to share with you the discussions that have thus far evolved. Indeed modelmayhem is a public site and although the clloque is private, the casting is not. I called for openly gay men and so I feel it no less honest to make public my conversations with those who replied.

Subject: RE: Tired Of Triggering Deceit PRINT
Eugene Haughton 09/27/11 10:11 AM	Kevin,I am interested in working with you on this project. Check out my port and let me know if you are interested. E.
kevin stewart 09/28/11 6:50 PM (Message read)	I looked at your entire body of work. I commented on one because that sort to Dandy look is want I want to start with. Question: are the props in your images yours? I enjoy  working with props and I have a tendency to create off the handle without much pre-planning. Yet you do bring to mind the type of sporty and then away from sporty…the classy cool gay guy with a bit of universal appeal…so thats what I would offer you a very greased atheltic look…running down a track with a suit on but sweating and bursting out of it. Then a cool suave guy standing outside a candy shop.
Eugene Haughton 09/29/11 8:15 AM	Kevin, Thanks so much for your comments and love on my pics. You have great work in your port as well. Yes those props in my pictures are mine. I like both of those ideas. I was a track star in collegeso I could play the role quite nicely. The candy shop thing is very cool. It’s out of my element but that is what I like. When would you be down to shoot these ideas?E.
kevin stewart 09/29/11 12:56 PM (Message read)	Let me be honest with you on the track theme: when I conceived it I was focusing on a female decked out with a high edgy fashion look that had both elements of sey appeal and atleticism. I pictured her in tight shorts and topless or with bra on and heels but sweaty and medals hanging off her neck. When I proposed it to you I immediately ran (figuratively) toward a masculine safe place. I dont want to do that in this project, I want to stay out of my comfort zone..modestly…so can you style it both ways?
Eugene Haughton 09/29/11 3:16 PM	Style a girl and myself? I could do that easily. Or were saying me be both the girl and guy?
kevin stewart 09/29/11 3:32 PM (Message read)	Ok I want only you unless you can hook me up with females who really are not conservative..For now lets keep the focus on you. I would want you to remain male in both looks…granted we could use speedo swimwearor any bikini like bottoms to exploit the obvious reference to a theme normally reserved for female sex appeal. But I want you to be a guy in both the aspects of this theme..Lets call it DASHING SEX APPEAL.NOW AS TO A FEMALE, IF YOU HAVE A FEMALE AND YOU WANT HER IN THE SHOOT COOL…BUT SHE SHOULD BE A COACH FIGURE WITH A TIGHT ASS ONE PIECE ON WITH HEELS A JACKET AND A COACHES CAP ON..SHE SHOULD BE MOTIVATING YOU TO RUN..I WOULD USE HER AS BACKGROUND BUT IT WOULD BE A TWIST…NOW HEAR THIS..I AM NOT INTERESTED IN COMPLICATING OUR SHOOT WITH SOME OVER THE TOP DAMSEL WHO AINT WORTH THE TROUBLE. THE GIRL SHOULD BE SOMEONE WILLING TO GO TOPLESS IF I WANT. WE CAN DISCUSS THE OTHER LOOK BY THE CANDY STORE ONCE WE ARE FINISHED DISCUSSING THIS ONE.
Eugene Haughton 09/29/11 4:33 PM	Id rather not have a female. Too complicated. But I like the dashing appeal them. Where I would be running wearing a speedo and cut off shirt.  Would I wear make up or just the skimpy female clothing? Maybe I could start off in a suit and then as I’m running I’m taking off clothes and I end in the skimpy stuff?
kevin stewart 09/29/11 5:06 PM (Message read)	NOW THATS AN IDEA…I LIKE THAT, WE WOULD GO SLOW WITH IT SO AS TO ORCASTRACT THE REMOVAL OF THE CLOTHES…I LIKE THAT..IT CREATES A STORY…AS TO MAKEUP MAYBE GLOSSY LIPS AND EYE SHADOW…IF YOU CAN GET THAT ITS A WRAP…DYNOMITE! THE SUIT COULD HAVE A NICE STRIPED TIE SO AS YOU RUN/TROT IT CATCHES THE WIND AND AD A DRAMATIC ELEMENT…COMING OFF FLAPPING IN THE WIND. THEN WE END UP WITH YOU WINDED AND LOOKING LIKE YOU HAVE WON…NICE!!
Eugene Haughton 09/29/11 5:16 PM	Yep!! That is what I had envisioned. Now about the candy shop?
kevin stewart 09/29/11 7:57 PM (Message read)	The candy shop should be more european or more like Ferrell the qua-si school boy Dandy look where you could be a rapper or a aristocrate.
Eugene Haughton 09/29/11 8:08 PM	Can you send me a pic as of the ideas you are looking for?
kevin stewart 09/29/11 8:17 PM (Message read)	email me at kevinis40@yahoo.com. Goodnight..taking it in.
Eugene Haughton 10/02/11 7:46 AM	Hey Kevin,I was hitting you back. I emailed you and never got a response. I really want to stay in contact and make this shoot happen. E.
kevin stewart 10/02/11 8:09 AM (Message read)	ok ok I appreciate that…We can start planning. Next Weekend Im attending an annual event all day Saturday. Its a graffitti competition and I know thats in my definite horizion. But other that that its planning and impelimenting this project with you as the first model. Now as to my yahoo.com page, I  recently cleaned that monster up. I had 500 some odd email and went on a deleting frenzy. So try again. Now as to me sending you samples of our candy store idea….I know you can relate to this even without me sending something. But I will…and again lets set a date for either Sunday next weekend at least do the track look of not both. Or if the  weekend following…then
kevin stewart 10/02/11 2:25 PM (Message read)	Eugene please google Kanye West style…when you see him in a suite balanced by sweater underneath or an ascot…you are see a dandy influence. If you just copy Kanye..you’ll get the concept.
Eugene Haughton 10/03/11 2:48 PM	Kevin,I can do the track idea this Sunday. I am free in the mornings.  I looked up Kanye West style and see what you mean by the Ascot! I like that look alot. Maybe do the suit top with like some dazy dukes shorts with dress socks and dress shoes?
kevin stewart 10/03/11 6:38 PM (Message read)	ok here is the kicker..I think between the two of us we can locate a track…I know where two private schools are in midtown..perhaps we could get in and get it done…but one catch, I use the bus…I dont have a car right now…but I am willing to do it this Sunday.Scratch the dazy Dukes…Here is why..eahc time we shoot we should try to do something avante garde and something conservative. You sould build your portfolio for shopping yourself while you build your work for pure inspiration. So make the look a smooth look. I’ll pull sex appeal out of you in your manneism. Think sun glasses, reading glasses gloves  and if you give me that..I might go for the dazy dukes after we shoot it conservative. In any event….lets make Sunday a go!
Eugene Haughton 10/04/11 5:21 PM	Hey. Where are the tracks located? So who is going to do the make up for the Girly look at the end? I have no idea about make up? I have a khaki suit for that shoot and brown dress shoes.For the candy shop shoot. I have a seersucker suit that I have been dying to wear and I can have on vest with a short and make an ascot from a scarf. Or use some material to make a bow tie. E
kevin stewart 10/04/11 7:04 PM (Message read)	oK so if you think makeup is necessary and I can flow with that and book makeup but since  catapulted to the makeup issue I guess its on me to make all the extraneous stuff happen..We just confrimed and now I have the task of finding a track. booking makeup and pay for it. And coordinate the arrival of all. So I assume now you are ready to be exclusively talent and show up on time whereever I instruct…ok I can do that..let me find a makeup artist and pick a place…
Eugene Haughton 10/04/11 7:15 PM	I always show up on time and ready. I’m way ready to do this. I need to find some female under wear and what do you want as a top?
kevin stewart 10/06/11 4:37 PM (Message read)	I spotted a track on Robinson Street. I see it from my bus on my way to work every morning. So lets set the time to meet at that bagel place directly across from Lake Eola park…Time? You stated you were good for the morin. Still no word from the makeup artist I contacted..I’ll try another. So lets plan there and perhaps there is a secluded place to change but Im sure we can work it out…BTW Saturday is Pride Day, right?
Eugene Haughton 10/06/11 5:37 PM	Do you mean panera bread ? Sunday around 9am? Yes Saturday is pride at lake eola.
kevin stewart 10/08/11 5:03 AM (Message read)	Yes Panera….and well go without the makeup. Sometimes they are as difficult to get as a female model. But if you can get your hands on some lip gloss I think that will be find. And lets say 9:30. I have a skimpy bus schedule on weekends. Hopefully you can park close by…or well move your car close to the track…and the you can chnage in it.
Eugene Haughton 10/08/11 5:12 AM	Okay. So bring a suit. What should I bring to look like a girl? Bra and undies or what?
kevin stewart 10/08/11 5:36 AM (Message read)	Ok this is where the challenge lies…You should think sexy more so than look like a girl. but here is want I see. If by chance you can find a pair of heels I know chaces are you dont but I think a bra might work. Then a super tight pair of shorts..this is where the daizy dukes you mentioned for the other look might better serve. You should use body language to suggest female and maleness… Your poise should be one of gladly displaying your sex appeal not to costume then let the clothes do it. You do it. But yes to repeat..a bar tight shorts a wife beater and long necklaces. I’ll bring a yellow ribbion with  A MEDALLION on it to signify a winner but does this work in your mind?
Eugene Haughton 10/08/11 5:50 AM	Okay cool. I don’t have heels. I do have a pair of tight shorts. Bring a wife beater and a long necklace. Lip gloss. That is easy enough and I will work on my male/female pose.
kevin stewart 10/08/11 5:54 AM (Message read)	As I may have stated before but if I did not I know it takes a couple of shoots together to make wonderful work..sometimes woderful work is achieved off the rip …on the first shoot..I think we will get good work because we are putting you in an familar enviornment. But I also think this is a sever challlenge for me. I actually started a bolg on the hole project. I have cut and pasted our text and allow it to become evidence of my growth as a human….so the shoot means a lot to me. Trust me when I say things that look like Im shimking on  quality I am not.I actually reached out to a differernt makeup artist this morning. But I do want you to pruchase some baby oil type gel… to put on your body and I do want some sneakers…with white socks…If you did have the heels…I would cut the toes out of the socks and that two would copy what I used to do with females when I wanted a sporty look with sexy opentoe shoes.
Eugene Haughton 10/08/11 6:28 AM	Okay. I have some baby oil. Lip gloss. Shoes with white high socks. (heels if have some) suit with shorts wife beater and a long necklace. Dress shoes too for the suit part. And I’m happy about this. What if it Rains tomorrow ? Can we reschedule? Here is my number 4074511958